some thoughts on national eating disorder awareness week.

maui/dragon's teeth.

this week is national eating disorder awareness week.

i feel like i want to and/or need to talk about this. both for me and for other people. this blog is mostly about happy stuff and i try not to talk about anxieties or what’s troubling me very often. but today i really wanted to touch on eating disorders.

for a big part of my life, i’ve struggled with ED. or rather, not so much with food and eating itself in its practical sense of what/when/how much i eat, but eating in connection to body and body image. looking back on my life—sure, i have had periods of over/undereating, but 90% of my struggle has been with the way i see and experience my body rather than food itself.

i’m not gonna go into the reasons and details of the causes behind it, but it’s definitely something i’ve experienced through my family and this in combination with other problems linked to self-harm and anxiety triggered these thoughts even more and anchored them deeply.

in the past recent years (or maybe even as short as months?), i’ve felt so much better about this, and i feel like it’s finally fading away. maybe (probably) it’ll never fully go away 100%, but just realizing that the days i hate my body have gone from a majority to a minority to even just a few percent of the time is FANTASTIC and it makes me so happy and hopeful for the future. i can love myself now, and doubt is maybe sprinkled here and there rather than totally blacking out my brain.

soma magazine.

ED is everywhere. and the thing about it, like many other mental illnesses, is that you can’t see it from the outside (despite what the stereotype says about excessively skinny/fat people—it can of course take expression in weight changes, but ED is a mental illness, not a physical one). never assume people’s relationship with food or their bodies based on their appearance. both mental and physical health is complex and is a product of correlation of many many different things—body, weight and appearance alone is not enough evidence to assume anything from. you know what? fat people can be healthy, “normal weight” people can be unhealthy, and everyone has their own very personal relationship with their own body.

please don’t assume that it’s a compliment to say that someone has lost weight. many times it might be, but assuming without knowing is just enforcing ideals and normas that not everyone (maybe not even a majority of people) conform to. stop fatshaming. stop foodshaming. stop assuming anything about food, exercise, weight, appearance. this kills lives (big words, but actually true). do whatever feels right. eat whatever you want. exercise however you want (or not at all), but just don’t push your beliefs on others as the only “right” way.

consume media that show a diverse range of people. body-wise, but also generally. i’m not gonna derail and take this to race/class/gender/etc, but i believe representation in every aspect leads to happy and tolerant worldviews and a greater well-being in society as a whole.

for me personally, having unfollowed for example instagram accounts focused on weightloss and instead filling my feed with bodypositive accounts and representation of bodies of all range has helped me so much. i don’t even have to actively participate in this (because i don’t), but just seeing it and knowing there’s a real world with real people out there, rather than a world in which only photoshopped size 2 models exist, is warming, comforting and strengthens me in myself every day.

those are my thoughts for the day (and for this whole week. and beyond.) xx. much love.

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mao

det är national eating disorder awareness week här den här veckan. här är några av mina tankar när det kommer till ätstörningar och kroppsuppfattning. hoppas ni orkar läsa fast jag inte ens orkar översätta … sorry. vet ju att ni pratar engelska dock? puss, pepp och all kärlek.

highlights from the week.

monday’s back! are you ready? i’m having a great time at work, so i’m actually both happy and ready.

i felt like i did a lot last week. here are some highlights:

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this is what i see at my bus stop every morning, reminding me that life is in fact pretty damn good. a cute reminder to start the day with.

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on wednesday, kelis played here in san francisco. such a throwback, right?? me, mark and alex danced on up until it became wayyy too crowded and hot. (side note: LOVE HER OUTFIT)

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on friday, me and siri went out for dinner and drinks around upper market at a crazy weird french restaurant with colorful walls and reggae music? weird but cozy either way, and this was how i looked in the bathroom mirror.

my saturday evening look! i somehow managed to spend ALL day in bed until like 7 pm (and i might have ordered poutine that i ate in bed…), so i had to up my game for the evening when i was off to celebrate my friend brandon’s birthday.

happy birthday to brandon!! he’s the cutest little kitten. this little gif doesn’t really show it but the house was filled with people and we stayed up and partied until 4 am (!!). i rarely party like that, so that was fun. and on sunday morning i ordered in food again, so i didn’t have to leave my bed. heh.

 

mao

här är några fina stunder från förra veckan. ett gulligt cementmeddelande som jag ser varje morgon vid mitt busstopp, från i onsdags när jag var på kelis-spelning, en badrumsselfie från i fredags när jag och siri gick ut och åt på en knäpp fransk restaurang och så två boomerangs från i lördags när jag firade min gulliga kompis brandon som fyllde år!

☀ day and night. ☾

happy friday! plz let’s do out best to get through this last day before the weekend. here’s the ultimate morning/evening list, translated from julia.

maui/sunrise at the haleakala summit.

MORNING
when do you get up?
around 8 in the weekdays, and hour or two later in the weekends.

what’s the first thing you do every morning?
check notifications—instagram, facebook, email, and the blog.

how long do you spend in the bathroom every morning?
just a few minutes to wash my face in the bathroom itself. then 10-15 minutes to get dressed and put makeup on.

is breakfast important? what do you eat?
during the weeks, i only have a protein shake. in the weekends through, i like having a big brunchy breakfast.

brunch.

are you a morning person?
i don’t LOVE mornings, but i’m proud to say that i turn off the alarm and get up like 5-10 seconds after it goes off. i never snooze!

what alarm do you have?
one from iphone’s bedtime app, it’s called sunny. very harmonious.

what does a perfect morning look like?
waking up tangled up with somebody you like. cuddling for a long while and then having a slow and long brunch in the sun somewhere.

what do you usually wear in the mornings?
i usually get dressed in my *real* clothes pretty immediately.

what’s the best thing about mornings?
a chance to start anew? lol idk

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christmas eve.

EVENING
when do you go to sleep?
between midnight and 2 am usually.

what’s the last thing you do at night?
scroll instagram or play two dots. : )

how long do you spend in the bathroom every night?
i just basically wash off my makeup and brush my teeth, so not very long unless i shower, but i usually don’t do that right before i go to sleep so.

is a night snack important to you?
not really, unless i’m hungry. going to sleep starving is the worst :[

do you get tired easily at night?
i can usually get into a good rhythm of going to sleep kiiiind of at same time every night, and then it’s fine. but i have to be sleepy when i go to bed, otherwise i won’t sleep at all or i’ll be waking up and stuff.

summer stockholm.

what’s your nightly routine?
think about what to wear the next day, remove makeup, brush teeth, and then just scroll through social media until i get tired. then i play two dots until i’m REALLY tired : )

what does a perfect evening look like?
it’s friday or saturday. still warm outside. take a walk with someone. dinner at some nice restaurant. cuddle 4 ever until sleep.

what do you usually wear at night?
shorts+t-shirt if i’m alone, underwear or nothing if i’m with someone maybe??? depends i guess

what’s the best thing about evenings?
just CHILLING OUT after a day of work and going to the gym. eating a good dinner. hanging out in bed. reading blogs. writing blog posts. the internet. stuff like that.

one photo every hour. august.

 

mao

gla fredag. här kommer en morgon/kvällslista som jag snott och översatt från julia. pöss!

pretty in pink.

polo shirt.

i have a new shirt! or actually, more than one because i’ve bought a few tops lately, but since the other ones haven’t arrived yet, this is the one i’m showing you for now.

polo shirt.

a cute polo shirt in powder pink and red tips.

polo shirt.

found it at h&m but it’s soft and vintagy and doesn’t feel newly produced even. like something from the 60s, or something amy winehouse would wear.

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with the kind of retro vibes that’s a perfect match with high-waisted levi’s and my vintage satin 49ers jacket, as you maybe saw on my latest insta post (have you guys seen that you now can make scrollable carousel posts??? i’m in awe).

 

mao

har en ny (fast känns som vintage-gammal) pikétröja i pastellrosa och med röda detaljer från h&m. känns som något som amy winehouse hade rockat, och passar perfekt med min vintage 49ers-jacka som går i samma retrovibes. glad torsdag!

self(ie) love.

because the rain never stops! because self-love. because selfies are important and because sometimes i can be cute too. i don’t take selfies THAT often but let’s look at a few lately. here’s my face 11 times in a row if you can take it. if not i’ll see u tomorrow or something

1

from a friday at work back in new york. bathroom selfie and i was about to go out into a lovely weekend.

2

a snowy new york weekend! gah. i stubbornly wore my leather jacket even though it was cold, but had my long gudrun sjödén scarf to wrap around me, so it was ok.

3

another nyc selfie from when my eyeliner was FIRE.

4

christmas in white lace, matte black nails and choker.

5

one of my last new york selfies with new top, glossy hair curtain and big eyes.

6

back on the west coast! here i am in front of apple down in cupertino in a new navy american apparel outfit.

7

the first weekend i was back, there was the women’s march at civic center. it was cold and rainy and i felt totally fucked up by anibiotics, but me and siri showed up because important. <3

8

calling this one “girl without eyebrows” or something? i’ve been meaning to buy glossier’s boy brow for a while now but i never get around to do it! ok soon, i promise.

9

selfie from an uber when the rain was also poooouring down, hence rainy wavy hair.

10

this one is from the kitchen at my new place, where apparently the light can look like this sometimes and really bring forth the color of my eyes. who would’ve thought.

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and this last one, from this past weekend when i was lying in bed watching love actually with myself.

 

that’s all for today! sorry not sorry for this pretty uninformative post, but this is my space and sometimes i need to remind myself that i’m good and that selfies are too. that’s all. xx

 

mao

idag vart det selfiekaskad på bloggen! här e mitt ansikte elva gånger helt enkelt. några från new york och några från sf. cute man e ändå. kom ihåg det allihopa när ni tar seflies. NI E CUTE

three apps i like.

i really like finding apps that i like and find useful. since my iphone is so important to me (and to most of you out there too, i’m guessing), helpful and fun apps are essential.

i’ve written posts before on some general apps i use here and on photography apps here, but today i’ll give you three apps i haven’t shown before.

soon.

soon

instead of writing every movie, band or restaurant you want to check out down somewhere in a note on your phone, you can put them into soon. there are lots of categories as you can see—as for me personally, i almost only use the restaurant category. there, i just type in the name of a restaurant, and it shows up in a list view together with a pin on a map. love it!

 

snug.

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in the app snug, you can plan out your instagram grid to see how it will look before you post it to instagram! fun and helpful if you’re really into insta like me. you wouldn’t want to commit the ungodly sin of posting two pics that look terrible next to each other, right? ; )

 

urban dictionary.

ud

lol, you guys probably know this silly one already, right? urban dictionary, for all your questions regarding the latest meme expression or exotic slang. : ) heh.

 

any favorite apps of yours i should check out? bring em!

 

mao

tre appar jag gillar: soon för att skriva upp restauranger och annat på, snug för att planera instagramfeeden hur den ska se ut innan man postar, och urban dictionary om man vill förstå senaste slangen, lol. : )
hit me up med era bästa appar plz. puss

weekend highlights.

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hello monday. hope you had a good weekend.

mine was good, and although it was “just” a weekend like so many other, i find it important to take a little second to feel it and savour the small things before yet another weeks kicks off and it all just disappears in the whirlwind that is life.

i had dinner with patty who i hadn’t seen in a long time. she knows so many great asian food spots and we had lovely ramen. drizzle, a dry sky in a city of wet streets. i bought hangers and sheets and stuff for my new place. piece by piece, putting it together to a whole.
watched love actually for the first time in years.
shopped three tops. ate one hundred finn crisp sandwiches. the house is cold but i stayed warm with tea and thick socks.
met new friends. drank champagne. danced. made out. slept in. philz coffee is now around the corner instead of on the opposite side of the city and their coffee is the best, the tesora with light cream and no sugar. a sandwich from the corner place a block away.
invited siri over to my new place. didn’t read anything this weekend but that’s fine.
listened to veronica maggio, looked at clothes i want to buy even though i need more storage for the ones i already have. this week is gonna be drier and sunnier.

happy monday. <3

 

mao

några fina grejer från helgen.

two to watch.

i literally never go to the cinema or watch movies in general. so that’s why my already 2 theatre visits this year are remarkable : ) here are the two movies i watched:

lion.

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lion is a movie based on a true story (and actually—really based on a true story, as the material in the end credits will show, rather than just “based” on a “true” story) that is about saroo, a little indian boy who loses his family and gets adopted my an australian couple.

as an adult, saroo desperately tries to find fis roots without any other help than google earth.
this movie, with hottie dev patel as adult saroo and ADORABLE fantastic out-of-this-world sunny pawar as child saroo is just fantastic. i cried the whole way through, tbh.

 

20th century women.

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this movie is set in southern california in the late 70s, the single mom dorothea (portrayed by the fantastic annette bening) is trying to raise her young teenage son jamie while at the same time dealing with her own struggles about single life, motherhood, love and aging.

a sweet, feminist and a legit feel good-movie. plus can’t stress annette bening’s acting skills enough. she’s literally born to play this character that’s what i felt like?

 

that’s all for now. i was planning on seeing a third movie the other week, but apparently my non-movie watching self decided that 2 is all i get this year. (jk, but almost.)

any movies out there showing right now i should go watch? what did you guys think of la la land, worth watching..?

 

mao

jag går såå sällan på bio alltså, men har redan hunnit med två gånger i år! ha. lion och 20th century women. tyckte om dem sååå mkt. gå å se vettja!
bilderna via [pinterest].

staying in the u.s.

getting to know sf.

happy friday, folks.

i thought i’d end the work week with a lighter post here by answering a question i got in the comments, but realized the subject matter was pretty harsh for a friday? oh well, i’ll keep it short and then we can all proceed to a happy weekend, ok?

i have a question regarding you living in the US. how big of a change can this with trump become for you? when it comes to visas etc? i really don’t know a lot about how it works when it comes to staying is the US, but is there a risk in the future that you won’t be able to?

so. first off, i’m not an immigration lawyer or expert of any kind, so this is a disclaimer that anything here might be slightly off, but something along these lines:

trump’s immigration ban doesn’t affect me, since it has to do with individuals born in a select few countries. also, most of these cases have been people who are already green card holders who are not let back into the US. i’m not born in any of the countries listed, and i also don’t have a green card.

you ask if there is a risk i won’t be able to stay here—yep, there is. this has nothing to do with trump specifically though, it just has always been a question of getting a visa (although trump wants to make that part trickier too).

coit tower.

there are a TON of different visas, but not all of them apply to me. right now, i’m on what is called OPT, it’s a period of time after you’ve graduated as an international student in the US that you’re allowed to work.

after my OPT expires, two of the most common visas for people in my situation (foreign workers within the creative field) are H-1B and O-1.
for the first one, you need a company to sponsor you (apply for the visa for you as well as paying for it), but the trick here is that the H-1B is lottery-based. i think there is something like 60 000 H-1Bs issued each year, and there are a lot of things factoring in when it comes to your chances of obtaining one that i’m not gonna get further into here, but the most recent i heard was that the chances are around 25% of getting one. this visa is valid for 3 years, but can be extended later. i’m currently eligible for this visa, but i’ve heard rumors that trump wants to make it for people only making >$130 000 a year.

the O-1 is not lottery-based but achievement-based. this means for me as a copywriter that i need to prove that i’ve done something substantial within or for the advertising industry (like win advertising awards or getting my work published in recognized magazines etc). this one is tricky, because i’ve heard people getting it vs. not getting it depending on what material they have to show/who’s judging their application. there is no 100% chance to know if you qualify or not.

there is also the green card lottery (about 1% chance of getting one), or getting married to someone (eeeeeeh also about 1% …. jk). plus like a couple of other possible visa options, but not gonna bore you with those, cause these are like the main options.

snooooore. this is such a drag, but something that’s definitely present in my mind everyday. oh well. there’s not really much more i can do than just work hard and stay proactive. and it’ll all work out one way or the other.

that’s all for now! hope i managed to get you through this post without confusing you or boring you to death.

whatever, let’s go off into the weekend now! howdy.

golden gate bridge.

 

mao

fick en fråga om hur det ligger till med trump och visum och stanna i usa och allt sånt. det är krångligt som fasen, men ungefär såhär! i kortform alltså.

what i’m consuming right now.

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the other week, i received my first-ever company-blogger gift sent to me since i moved to the us. kind of nice and a little surprising, since i still feel much more like a part of the swedish blogger community than the american. so now, my kitchen is stocked up with energy drinks and teas. thank you runa!

other than bottled beverages, some things i’m consuming right now are for example:

music-wise: what a time to be alive because i’m on that drake flow right now.
food-wise: a lovely lasagna because there were leftovers from the valentines dinner that a person cooked for me.
snacks-wise: a shit ton of chewing gum because i bought 10 packs last time (addicted).
podcast-wisecall your girlfriend because these two ladies, ann and aminatou, are not only woke and on point but also amazing and hilarious.
book-wisepaper towns and animal farm kind of parallell. i don’t like reading multiple books simultaneously, but still. i can’t fully commit to one or the other.

plus an ungodly amount of phone battery and wi-fi every day because of 1) my long commute to/from work and 2) i haven’t been sleeping very good lately (hence scrolling through the internet for ever).

 

mao

vad jag konsumerar just nu! förutom drickorna jag fick i mitt första usa-bloggbud (hurra! jag finns även här! det trodde man inte) är det till exempel drakes gamla album, jättemycket mobilbatteri och rester från en lasagne som en person lagade till mig på alla hjärtans dag.